How to bang your head instead of writing your book
How to bang your head instead of writing your book
Presented by PegasusEandE.com
Live workshop
Pauly Hart
July 19th
Phase #1 - Banging your head
THE WRITER AS A FAILED AND MISERABLE PUSS IMBUED SLUG
Step 1. find a nice wall or table or hard surface
Step 2. brace your hands and feet
Step 3. strike your head against surface
That's it. That's all there is to it.
==============================
Phase #2 - Watching the screen
THE WRITER AS A FUNGUS COVERED TWO TOED SLOTH
Quit watching big Hollywood like a noob
>> End of Ragnarock vs beginning of Infinity wars
Outline every story arc you see
>> https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/movie_narrative_charts.png
Start following one movie director to their bitter end
>> Uwe Boll's rampage viewing day
Become a critic of everything
>>https://youtu.be/xKbyWSwd7hk
Begin to identify patterns in the chaos
>> Jodie Foster scene in 'Contact' - staring into the dryer
==============================
Phase #3 - Taking the plunge
THE WRITER AS A WRITHING AND SCREAMING RED FOX
Give up on being famous
>> https://youtu.be/c9fc-crEFDw
Give up on having your friends understand what you're doing
>> Introverts vs. Extroverts
Understand your chemical system
>> How are you post coitus, minus coffee, after a car wreck vs the opposite.
Know how to turn off the interwebs
>> https://youtu.be/0bTlQh8NdQ8
Kiss your free time goodbye
>> Just kidding.
>> You wish.
>> I'm not kidding.
>> No really, I'm joking.
>> No... I am not joking.
Understand what you are good at
>> If you want to write horror, but you find yourself writing really 'how-to' guides, maybe start thinking about changing
==============================
Phase 4 - Understanding your peers and competitors
THE WRITER AS A URINE STAINED TURKEY VULTURE
Understand what writing is all about
>> https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/37127002_10215886807020123_8394403731948437504_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=c44a290637f585f622c9e715f1332a99&oe=5BE372F5
Read books (real books) with a red pen
>> Remark on what you would change. everyone else is wrong.
==============================
Phase 5 - Becoming a writer
THE WRITER AS A RABID OSCILLATING WEASEL
Find a quiet place you can exhume
>> Story of Russia // Sitting in windowsill
Set up the time of day you can get into the zone
>> Story of Drew and his art room
Find the right music to help you write
>> https://youtu.be/nPFkkHeU1GY
Alternate between a keyboard and longhand
>> Story of steak n shake with john and jb
Finish strong, no matter what it is
>> Gates of the Garden of Eden in Cabinet room
>> Keep on working even when i hated it
Cultivate quality Beta Readers
>> My Facebook people vs. my friends
If your characters are not alive, something is wrong
>> https://giphy.com/gifs/fangirling-sKeu3x66P5bDq
==============================
Phase #6 - Becoming a good writer
THE WRITER AS A TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA LEMUR
Have shocking original ideas
>> Why settle for a bee when you can have this?
https://www.whatsthatbug.com/2011/01/30/male-dobsonfly-42/
Make them laugh, make them cry
>> The more you can swing them up, the more you can swing them down
Be yourself
>> You are the only you that you can be
Drink coffee in the morning
>> Caffeine stimulates the brain to work at 105% capacity
Steal every great idea
>> https://youtu.be/CBri-xgYvHQ
Avoid passivity
>> No one likes the mundane
==============================
Phase #7 - Becoming 1337
THE WRITER AS A FAT WISE OLD OWL
Introduce all ideas, plots, themes and characters in the first 1/3 of your story
>> There's nothing worse than being tricked as a reader - Crichton in Micro
Checkov's gun
>> https://youtu.be/mNwpVGa_eVo
Always write down every idea
>> HP Lovecraft's commonplace book... Nothing common about it
The reader is your best friend
>> Like the customer to a store, they pay you
Don't tell me. show me.
>> The most commonly said but misunderstood writing advice
Know whom you mimic
>> I write like Jack London, my wife writes like Karen Marie Moning
Write every day
>> https://youtu.be/6iUviQTGjpQ
"Use periods." He said.
>> Because commas, and exclamation points should be very, very rare
Read it aloud
>> "You will find out what will work and what does not work." (read that aloud)
Good grammar is your friend
>> Show of hands for ire of my lack of capitalization
==============================
Phase 4 - Understanding your peers and competitors
THE WRITER AS A URINE STAINED TURKEY VULTURE
Understand what writing is all about
>> https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/37127002_10215886807020123_8394403731948437504_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=c44a290637f585f622c9e715f1332a99&oe=5BE372F5
Understand the 6 w's
>> The key element to journalism
>> Who what when where why how
Read books (real books) with a red pen
>> Remark on what you would change. everyone else is wrong.
Don't ever have opinions
>> Write what is. you're writing it. it is.
Identify 'Chuffa' early on
Understand what cliches are
>> And never use them
Understand what tropes are
>> And be wary of them
Understand what metaphors are
>> And always use them
==============================
Phase 5 - Becoming a writer
THE WRITER AS A RABID OSCILLATING WEASEL
Find a quiet place you can exhume
>> Story of Russia // Sitting in windowsill
Set up the time of day you can get into the zone
>> Story of Drew and his art room
Find the right music to help you write
>> https://youtu.be/nPFkkHeU1GY
Alternate between a keyboard and longhand
>> Story of steak n shake with john and jb
Finish strong, no matter what it is
>> Gates of the Garden of Eden in Cabinet room
>> Keep on working even when i hated it
Cultivate quality Beta Readers
>> My Facebook people vs. my friends
If your characters are not alive, something is wrong
>> https://giphy.com/gifs/fangirling-sKeu3x66P5bDq
==============================
Phase #6 - Becoming a good writer
THE WRITER AS A TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA LEMUR
Have shocking original ideas
>> Why settle for a bee when you can have this?
https://www.whatsthatbug.com/2011/01/30/male-dobsonfly-42/
Make them laugh, make them cry
>> The more you can swing them up, the more you can swing them down
Be yourself
>> You are the only you that you can be
Drink coffee in the morning
>> Caffeine stimulates the brain to work at 105% capacity
Steal every great idea
>> https://youtu.be/CBri-xgYvHQ
Avoid passivity
>> No one likes the mundane
==============================
Phase #7 - Becoming 1337
THE WRITER AS A FAT WISE OLD OWL
Introduce all ideas, plots, themes and characters in the first 1/3 of your story
>> There's nothing worse than being tricked as a reader - Crichton in Micro
Checkov's gun
>> https://youtu.be/mNwpVGa_eVo
Always write down every idea
>> HP Lovecraft's commonplace book... Nothing common about it
The reader is your best friend
>> Like the customer to a store, they pay you
Don't tell me. show me.
>> The most commonly said but misunderstood writing advice
Know whom you mimic
>> I write like Jack London, my wife writes like Karen Marie Moning
Write every day
>> https://youtu.be/6iUviQTGjpQ
"Use periods." He said.
>> Because commas, and exclamation points should be very, very rare
Read it aloud
>> "You will find out what will work and what does not work." (read that aloud)
Good grammar is your friend
>> Show of hands for ire of my lack of capitalization
==============================
Thanks for your time! - Pauly Hart
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